All of us have been there.
You’re at a birthday dinner for a friend of a friend of a friend.
Wine is flowing, shots are being passed around the so-long-that-you-can’t see-the-person-on-the-other-end table and your friends are goading you to order that extra side of truffle fries because “it’s a special occasion.”
And then, someone pulls out the bill and announces that since everyone is chipping in for the birthday girl, each person owes, oh, a quarter of a million dollars.
And it IS a special occasion.
It’s a goodbye party for your bank account.
When I first moved to New York City it was alarming to me that three chunks of cantaloupe from a deli salad bar could run close to $10 and boxes of cereal were upwards of six.
My utilities were higher than they’d ever been at my college apartment in central Pennsylvania and suddenly, a whole paycheck of my entry-level salary didn’t even cover my rent.
Though I realize the importance of a savings account, the one thing I’ve never hesitated to indulge in is dining out.
That’s not to say I frequent Jean-George and Per-Se on a regular basis ever.
It means that if I’m going out with friends for a night of good food and libations in a group dining situation, I want to enjoy the evening and not spend it figuring out whose salad cost nine dollars and whose cost seven and where to carry the one when I add the tip.
Of course, unless you are living in a cave, you know that times are tough right now and a lot of people are pinching pennies where they once threw caution to the wind.
I saw post on Yahoo! Shine originally from Epicurious that questioned whether frugal eating is acceptable in uncertain economic times.
The author expressed her desire to split entrees and mentioned that she often feels as though waiters are discouraging to patrons who want to share meals.
I can see where the author is coming from, being a young professional who is watching both her budget as well as her weight.
Most restaurants offer portions that supply more than enough food for two people – and it can be easier on your hips to share your spaghetti carbonara.
However, I can also see the perspective of the waiter, who is earning a living off your appetite and your friend, who might not really want to share his or her meal.
Personally, when I go out to eat or drink, I’m not ordering the most expensive items on the menu and I won’t choose a fifteen dollar cocktail every time – but once in awhile, especially in a dismal economy, when surrounded by bad news, I see no reason not to treat yourself if you can do so reasonably.
When I go out with friends, especially friends with whom I’m comfortable, I like to split the check in half. Even if my dish was $4.86 less, or she drank .47 cents more wine than I did, it will all even out in the end.
If I’m going to enjoy myself, whether or not it’s a group dining situation, I’m happy to pay for high-quality and if it comes down to it, would prefer to dine out less frequently and be able to treat myself when I do.
What are your feelings on frugality in restaurants? Yay? Nay? Do you like to split the check to the penny or is your motto to “share and share alike?”
18 Comments
Caz
March 29, 2009 at 3:00 amHi! new commenter here.
Personally, I generally prefer to split a cheque evenly between all the people paying (that way everyone can equally pay for the birthday person’s meal if such is the case) but I also see both sides of the scale.
I’ve had people haggle down to the EXACT penny of dividing the b-day person’s meal plus what they ate, and refuse to pay for shared table appetizers etc. because “they didn’t eat them” which pisses me off.
But I’ve also gone out to big group meals (10 people plus, whom I didn’t really know) and one or two people drink their faces off ordering shots, bottles of wine and multiple $15 cocktails and then want to split the tab evenly when I’ve sipped one glass of wine all night and ordered a salad not the fillet mignon.
But overall, with people I know well, splitting evenly is the easiest method.
Jenny
March 24, 2009 at 3:00 amMy friends and I generally take turns picking up the check. Things always seem to even out, and generally if someone suggests drinks or food that’s pricier than our “norm,” they’re the one that grabs it that time. We’ve never really discussed it, but it’s just a pattern that my group has fallen into, and it works for us.
When I lived in Chicago, my friends and I used to split almost every time. Everyone would throw their card/cash in, and if someone’s was much more or less than an even split, we’d write notes on the check to help the server out.
Shani G.
March 19, 2009 at 3:00 amHaving had a brief stint as a waitress in college (I was very untalented at the vocation!), I can sympathize with the plight of the waiter. I don’t like to split plates because a) I like to use the leftovers in a meal later, sometimes cooking up something entirely new, b) I keep thinking about the waitstaff who has to stay there all night putting up with grumpy customers. When it comes to a large party of people, I’m fine with separate checks, though. I often tell my mother that times are different than when she was my age and a young wife and mother. My father was already pretty established when they got married, and the overall lifestyle was different in the late ’60s/early ’70s. Now it is often a necessity to have separate checks in a large party as it takes longer for couples to set themselves up, financially.
Cate O'Malley
March 19, 2009 at 3:00 amUsually we just split the check unless there’s major uneveneness in one direction, be it mine or someone else’s.
Debbie Davis
March 18, 2009 at 3:00 amHmmm….. if we go out with friends, we usually separate the bill. Sometimes we take turns taking care of the bill, it depends on the occasion.
lisa (dandysugar)
March 18, 2009 at 3:00 amThis is a great topic that comes up OFTEN. I think the non drinkers in a large party get the bad deal when the check is split because it’s usually the alcohol that ends up increasing the bill.
In my experience, the non-drinkers (or those that only have 1 drink) do so because of perhaps preference, but also, to save money. I have done that as well and was expected to pay a huge portion when I didn’t drink at all.
When I know that my portion is more, I will automatically just put in more money. As for sharing meals, I do it frequently. I think the portions at many restaurants are very large. And yes, I’m trying not to spend as much money these days too.
Anyway, I think it pretty much equals out in the end. I love going out to eat with friends. Splitting the tab is what happens in the end most times.
Irene
March 18, 2009 at 3:00 amWe tend to split equally, although I think rules of good behavior dictate that if you had twice the food or twice the drinks of other people, you should just pay more of the bill. As far as splitting food, I would not do it at an very good restaurant because the chef means for you to taste the food the way it’s coming on your plate (the flavors and quantities are balanced), but there are many restaurants which serve large, family style plates, and I love sharing at places like that.
Jessica
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amThis is a really great post because it totally applies to me and a birthday party this weekend. I really, really hate it when details like who is paying for the birthday girl, etc. are not settled up ahead of time because then when the check comes, it’s inevitably awkward. I don’t mind splitting the bill if I order along with everyone else, but once when I was sick, I went out for tapas with a group and didn’t drink liquor because of being ill. When the bill came, they wanted to split the bill equally, including our $50 liquor tab. I had to interject and refuse because that was ridiculous and people got mad. It’s a lose/lose situation.
Monica Shaw
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amMy friends and I tend to split the bill evenly, which sometimes irks me because I’m the only vegetarian which means my meals typically cost less… but in the end it’s pointless to worry. It all evens out. And I’m like you, maris – when I dine out I tend not to worry. I like to enjoy the experience. But all of this still fits into my budget. How? Well, one of the reasons I almost always cook at home is to save money so that when I DO go out, I go out to quality places that deserve to be enjoyed to their fullest!
mandy
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amI tend to just typically split the bill with friends. Or if we are in a large group we do individual tabs. Usually though I am just with close friends and I believe it all evens out in the end, life’s too short to worry about who owes who what and how much that appetizer costs. I dont go out that often and like yourself, prefer to just enjoy the evening.
Sandie
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amFrugality and eating out don’t mix, unless you’re picking up the tab at McDonald’s 😉
Whenever I dine out with friends and we’re splitting the bill, we tend to rough estimate it according to who ordered what rather than straight 50/50. For instance, if I order a glass of wine and my counterparts order only water, that alone raises my bill at least $10-$12 that solely I am accountable for…wouldn’t you agree?
On the other hand, if these friends and I dine together fairly often, we typically implement the, “I’ll pick up the tab this time, you get it next time, and you the time after,” and that works out fairly comfortably as well.
It gets harder in the type of large group scenario you described, but that’s part of going out as a larger party. Thankfully, I typically dine out with my husband, family, or a couple of close friends. On the occasions I do go out with a large group, we tend to keep individual tabs (something restaurants don’t have an issue with here) which simplifies everything for everyone and no one ends up in a huff.
🙂
thatShortChick
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amGoing out to eat is one of my pasttimes (kind of sad, right?) but i just really enjoy frequenting my faves and trying out new places.
whenever i’m out with my mom (who eats like a bird) we end up sharing one or two dishes (which is quite easy at some places like Chili’s now) and when i go out with friends, we usually end up getting separate checks so there’s no confusion.
ANG*
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amwe always split the bill. i’m a big believer in everything evens it self out. and here in chicago (and prob NYC), they dont even offer to split checks. sometimes you get the shitty end of the deal, but i tend to chalk things up to the experience – being with friends, enjoying the food, the drinks, your night out etc etc.
then again, i totally understand when people pass on dinner. sadly, times are tough…
Melissa
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amI don’t personally do the splitting thing, I just take the leftovers with me. I can also appreciate where the waiter is coming from, as I have been in that position. Your frugality is costly to him. But the way the world is right now, I also understand doing it. It’s a tough thing for everyone.
As for the splitting of the bill, I tend to be pretty lax about it, though if I know certain friends of ours are struggling a bit more financially, I will tell them exactly their share and that’s it – I’m the math person among us, you see, so I’m always the one to gather up the money anyway. I try to be sensitive to those friends of mine who make much less money than some of us – they usually say so beforehand and everyone is okay with where they’re at. And for our part, I don’t mind chipping in more to make it a great night for everyone involved. And if I didn’t think I could do so, I probably wouldn’t go.
alexa - cleveland's a plum
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amdining out is one of my very favorite things to do, so it’s something that i never skimp on. i could have no food in my house, didn’t eat breakfast OR lunch but will go indulge for dinner.
when im out with a group of friends i prefer the split the bill evenly among the people way.
watcat
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amHi this blog is great I will be recommending it to friends.
Kathy - Panini Happy
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amIf I know that my portion of the bill is higher than for others I offer to pay accordingly. Otherwise I usually just suggest that we split it equally. I figure it all evens out over time.
Food Hunter
March 17, 2009 at 3:00 amGood food with good friends I could never skimp on. Like you I’d rather not go if I can’t do it right.