D is Not for Diet: How to Practice Moderation

Despite my rants about eating cookies the size of my face and pasta oozing with mozzarella cheese, I’m usually very careful about what I eat.

Not careful in a sensible low-fat-dairy-plenty of protein-Kashi-7-Grains-on-a-Mission way, but I know I like to indulge.

A lot.

When I eat ice cream from a gallon in my freezer, sometimes I can’t resist going back for second and third scoops.

I know that after a long busy day when lunch was bites of a salad with grilled chicken in between emails, I’m going to come home and half a box of All Bran Crackers with brie is going to sound like a damn good, well balanced dinner.

So I cut back on other things in order to do so.

Cheese on a deli sandwich? No way.

Cream cheese on the Monday morning bagel breakfast at work? NEVER.

I order whole-wheat everything and fat-free lattes.

Will I send a meal back in order to shave 90 balsamic-vinegary calories off my salad plate? Absolutely.

I realize that I like to control what I put into my body, sometimes to the point where it gets to be a little too much. Is a little salad dressing or 3/4 a slice of provolone going to make me gain ten pounds overnight? Probably not.

Let me give you a little bit of background.

The year I turned 13, I gained twenty pounds. The doctor blamed a growth spurt, called it perfectly normal, and such was that. From there, I slowly and steadily climbed up to 156 – the highest weight my 5’6 frame saw on the scale when I joined Weight Watchers during my second year of college.

Only ten or so pounds above average, it was then that I became the poster child for yo-yo dieting, I’d lose fifteen pounds over a summer, then I would go back to school, back to kegs of beer, late night pizza and bagel sandwiches (yes, sometimes in the same night) and drunken grilled cheese (with light bread and low fat cheese, but they add up).

Then, summertime would roll around and it was back to the treadmill, and I continued this pattern until I graduated at 140. After two years of being a halfhearted Weight Watcher, I decided I needed to get “serious.”

This was my LIFE, after all.

It wasn’t college and GOD knows I shouldn’t be drinking multiple cocktails and then eating pizza at 3:00 a.m., even though sometimes that’s exactly when pizza tastes the best.

But occasionally I’d slip – a few thousand calorie margaritas here, too much cheese and crackers there. I lost a little bit of my extra college chub, but at around 130/135 I was by no means overweight. In fact, this is probably a very healthy weight for my body.

After my first “semester” of maintaining my new weight and the first holiday season after my parents divorced, I pulled my jeans on one morning and found them hard to button. They fit – I just had to “suck it in” to the point of discomfort. There was no but when I looked in my full length mirror. Starting January 1, I was going to lose ten pounds.

I did it in about two months and then my job became quite busy. I was working until seven, eight, nine or ten at night before I’d glance at the clock and realize I hadn’t eaten dinner. I lost a few more pounds, and then a super-fun two week bout of food poisoning pushed me way below my “wiggle room” to about 115.

I was able to put on the weight I lost by accident, but no twenty-something female enjoys stepping on the scale and seeing a number higher than the one she saw last week, this girl included.

I was so used to Weight Watchers meetings where you were applauded for a loss rather than a gain, that this new frame of mind was unusual for me.

Even though I know logically that my weight is fine where it is now, I’m so used to the yo-yo diet mindset that sometimes it’s challenging for me not to feel obese after I eat a big bowl of macaroni and cheese – even if the pasta is made with whole grains and the cheese has 2% milk.

In my mind, I need to cut calories but logically, I know that I’m young and active and I can eat what tastes good in moderate portions.

How do I tell myself this every time I open a restaurant menu? How do I teach myself to eat what I want, when I’m hungry, and not simply because I enjoy food?

Ultimately, I want to be able to reach for that second piece of bread if I want it without caring how many calories are in it.

I know this is an unlikely post to follow an entry titled “The Colossal Chocolate Chip Cookie” but how do people like Giada de Laurentis really enjoy cooking and eating good, whole foods but without packing on weight?

When people want to drop weight, often times they look outside themselves – for a diet or a quick fix. But I think the key to a healthy diet is within each individual. And if there’s a secret to “stopping when you’re full” then I’d be all ears.